Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol, published in 1843, is one of the most popular holiday classics. It always has been a particular favorite of mine. It is such a staple of the Christmas season, that it has inspired countless retellings in films, on the stage and on television. The role of Ebenezer Scrooge has been portrayed by such luminaries as George C. Scott and Mr. Magoo. There even was a stage version of the story presented entirely in Klingon. The name “Scrooge” has entered the lexicon as a term for a miserly person. When it was published, the portrayal of Scrooge as a stingy, narrow-minded misanthrope, who was ignorant of and indifferent to the plight of the poor had considerable currency. Victorian England was a society marked by strict class divisions. Unlike present day America, income inequality was a real problem.  A social safety net did not exist. Within two years of the story’s publication, the Irish potato famine took as many as one million lives in Ireland, while the British Parliament did nothing to help.  Under those circumstances, casting Ebenezer Scrooge as the villain was appropriate.  However, in present day America we must consider whether Scrooge is being mistreated.  After all, Democrats encourage all of us to view ourselves as victims.  Ebenezer Scrooge should be no exception.  I long have believed that Scrooge is getting a raw deal.  Whenever I see the story on TV, I feel Scrooge’s pain.  The plain truth is that in our society, Ebenezer Scrooge is a crime victim.
Let’s review the facts.  Scrooge took a small inheritance from his father and built a thriving business.  He and his partner Jacob Marley worked hard for long hours, and after many years, Scrooge became a wealthy man.  He was a money lender and a commodities broker, clearly part of what present day American Marxists would call “the one percent.”  Scrooge complied with all government regulations, he paid all taxes due, and he provided employment for employees such as his clerk, Bob Cratchit.  He was a tough businessman who drove a hard bargain.  He didn’t live a life of luxury, but resided in a modest home. He was frugal.  So what happened to Mr. Scrooge?  Scrooge insults his nephew, and putative heir, Fred Holywell.  Immediately thereafter, two men show up at his office demanding money – “for the children,” sound familiar?  Now remember, in 1843, public welfare in England consisted of Debtor’s Prisons and Workhouses.  Not so today.  Given present day America’s plethora of social welfare programs from public assistance, food stamps, Section 8 housing, and such, what happened to Scrooge must be viewed in another light.  Everywhere Scrooge went, he was followed by a noisy band of carolers demanding that he give to the underprivileged.  Presumably, the vanguard of the Occupy London movement.  When Scrooge refuses to pay the two men at his office, Fred Holywell has a secret meeting with Bob Cratchit.  Immediately thereafter, a series of burglars break into Scrooge’s home.  They terrorize Scrooge, they repeatedly threaten the life of the sleep deprived Scrooge, and promise him eternal damnation, unless he pays up.  A classic protection racket if you ask me.  Scrooge had no choice but to pay the money that was demanded.  He gives Bob Cratchit extra money, and pays for the medical care of Tiny Tim.  I thought Obamacare had solved that problem.  Scrooge then reconciles with his nephew Fred.   Scrooge should have called the police.  The burglars had access to intimate details of Scrooge’s life, detailed information about his finances and knew how to gain access to his home.  Only one conclusion is possible. This was an inside job. As a career prosecutor, and after due investigation, I have uncovered the evidence.  Ebenezer Scrooge was the victim of a far-ranging criminal conspiracy.  As is usually the case, the responsible parties are those who had the most to gain from the crimes.
The defendants: The Cratchit cartel.  The Cratchits were actually a Gypsy clan. Indicted were Bob Cratchit, a/k/a Bob Crutcher; his wife FNU (first name unknown) Cratchit; Peter Cratchit, a/k/a/ Marley’s Ghost; Martha Cratchit, a/k/a Spirit of Christmas Past; Matthew Cratchit, a/k/a Spirit of Christmas Present; Belinda Cratchit, a/k/a Spirit of Christmas Yet to Come; Tim Cratchit, a/k/a Tim Blythe (an ancestor of William Blythe Clinton), actually a Scottish gypsy midget; and Fred Holywell, Scrooge’s nephew, who conspired with Bob Cratchit/Crutcher, and who solicited and financed the attacks against Scrooge.
The crimes: conspiracy, terroristic threats, extortion, theft by deception, criminal impersonation, burglary while armed (two burglars carried weapons, a heavy chain and a large sharp scythe), kidnapping, criminal restraint, and illegally parking in a handicap space.  It’s a shame that it took over 140 years to bring the guilty to justice, but finally the name of Ebenezer Scrooge has been cleared. Instead of A Christmas Carol, it was a Christmas Crime.
So Merry Christmas to all, and God bless us everyone.