HOW THE SCHIFF STOLE THE CONSTITUTIONThe following is a conversation with House Intelligence Committee Chairman Adam Schiff (for brains), also known as, Shifty Schiff, Pencil Neck Schiff, Cowardly Liar Schiff, or just plain, The Schiff, in which he provides insight on his role in the impeachment inquiry.
(With sincere apologies to Dr. Seuss).

Although most Americans want Trump to stay, the Schiff is determined to send him away.  While Trump is the happiest man we have seen, the Schiff is unscrupulous, lying and mean.  The Schiff’s an obnoxious and arrogant mass, with a face that resembles two cheeks of an ass.  When Trump sought election he said it was funny, Trump never could win, cause Hill had the money.  Trump was sexist, misogynist, racist and crude, he paid money to strippers, and then he got sued.  The Democrats all were progressive and woke, so Trump as the President must be some joke.  When they counted the votes, they all choked on their phloem, and the Democrats knew that the joke was on them.  There was anger and crying and wailing and tears, they were stuck with the Donald for all of four years.  But fear not, they were promised by Brennan and Strzok, we took out insurance, so Trump’s a dead duck.  We’ll say Trump is working as Vladimir’s bitch, and then we’ll investigate, hunting that witch.  We’ll lie about stuff, and we’ll sow some confusion, we’ll claim that it’s all due to Russian collusion.  But who could they count on to peddle that crap?  Why the Schiff, whose conscience has a big gap.  The Deep State came after the Trumpster with spies, so the Schiff would support them by telling some lies.  The Schiff said, “There’s evidence, it’s no illusion, Trump is so guilty of Russian collusion.”  The nasty old Schiff told us “Trump’s in a bind,” There was simply no telling what Mueller might find.  Only Bob Mueller found there was nothing amiss, and it looked like the Schiff would gain nothing from this.  But fear not ye Democrats, your target’s in reach, the Schiff will keep lying so you can impeach.  The President dared to speak to Ukraine, he delayed some money that caused them no pain, he wanted to see that our money’s well spent, not squandered or taken with crooked intent.  He wanted a favor, and he said so, but paying the money was no quid pro quo.  “Ah ha,” the Schiff bellowed, as quick as a missile, “we’ve heard from a phantom who’s blowing a whistle.”  He said, “I don’t know his name,” then the Schiff winked his eye, and that also turned out to be a big lie.  The Schiff just kept lying, and making up stuff, “Don’t look at the transcript, my lies are enough.”  “If I say it’s the truth, it’s the truth, and that’s it, and I know CNN will then swear to my shit.”  The Schiff called some witnesses from the State deep, who said that Trump’s words had disturbed them a heap.  They knew nothing first hand, just hearsay you see, from this one or that one, all Trump enemies.  When asked, “You want something in return for the dough?”  The President told them, “There’s no quid pro quo.”  But the Schiff overlooked this, because he’s so wise, “We can’t believe him, you know Trump lies.”  “Instead of the evidence, listen to me.” “We’ll find something on him that fits to a tee, extortion or bribery, or a tone that is sour, no wait, I’ve got it, abusing his power!”  Abusing his power? Is that a high crime?  “As long as I say it, it will be this time.”  But the Framers don’t say that in Article Two.  They said what’s impeachable, not something new.  “Don’t need no Framers,” Schiff spat with a sneer, “They’re white, were slave owners, and have been dead for years.”  “The law is whatever I say it should be, Maxine Waters agrees, and she won’t lie … to me.”  “See, we all hate Trump and we must make him go, Constitution be damned, it’s all a Schiff Show.”  But is that the standard that Democrats favor?  “Trump’s just a bad guy, so we must not waver.”  But what if it’s done to a Democrat Prez?  What if the law is what Jim Jordan says?   “Not a chance,” the Schiff snorted, “you’re way off the track.”  “After Biden’s elected, we’ll just change it back.”  But what if the voters make Democrats pay?  The Schiff smiled slyly, “I’d rather not say.”  “Alright,” he relented, “You might as well know.  Once there’s no Constitution, then anything goes.  We’ll still have elections, we’ll still let them vote, but if you think that matters, you’re missing the boat.”  “They voted for Trump, and now that doesn’t count.  When the Deep State says go, then you’re finished, you’re out!”  But how can you peddle such terrible lies?  Have you no decency, like other guys?  The Schiff cracked what’s known as a shit-eating grin, “I learned it from Clinton, they’re not lies, it’s spin.”  You may think the Schiff  has plenty of nerve, but if we let him do this, it’s what we deserve.  Ron Reagan once told us with charm and distinction, our freedom’s just one generation from extinction.  So tell all your friends what the Schiff’s all about, and then next November, let’s throw the crumbs out.