Events go by much more quickly than in times past.  Back in 1863, when Jules Verne published his book, Five Weeks in a Balloon, or A Journey of Discovery, the five week-long balloon journey covered only the African continent.  We’re much more efficient today.  This past week, we were treated to a Chinese retelling of the Jules Verne classic, One Week in a Balloon, or a Journey of Espionage.  By now you’ve probably had your fill of stories about the Chinese spy balloon that our inept government, led by Corrupt Demented Imbecile Joe Biden, permitted to transit the North American continent, collecting data as it went, until finally it was shot down last Saturday just off the coast of South Carolina.  As with all Biden Administration fiascos, a number of contradictory stories have been floated (pun intended) about the balloon.  Take your pick.  We either know so much about the Chinese balloon, that we know that it was released from a specific site in central China, from whence it sailed a track east out over the Pacific Ocean and toward North America.  Or else, we knew nothing about the balloon until it was over the Aleutian Islands on January 28, transited north of the Aleutians chain, and then transited part of Alaska.  The Chinese have contributed to the obfuscation, claiming that the balloon was a weather balloon, released by a “private company” in China, which “simply got away” due to wind conditions.  “It was just an accident.  So sorry.” But we know that’s a lie for two reasons: first, the Chinese government said it; and secondly, there are no “private” companies in China.  Anyhow, when the balloon violated U.S. airspace, our government said nothing and did nothing.  Then, on January 30, it entered Canadian airspace over British Columbia.  The following day, the balloon reentered U.S. airspace in northern Idaho.  Our government again said nothing and did nothing.  On February 1, the balloon was approximately 60,000 feet over central Montana, near Billings.  It was clearly visible to people on the ground.  Even Native Americans in the area reported sightings.

It became so much of a concern that the airspace over Billings was closed to air traffic.  At this point, the balloon could no longer be ignored.  If you choose to believe it, this was the first time that the military notified Joe Biden of the problem.  Old Joe says he immediately ordered the balloon shot down.  This was Wednesday, but the military said no, the balloon posed no threat to the U.S., so we should wait.  The stated reason was concern for people on the ground.  Putting aside the fact that there are almost no people in the interior of Alaska, where it could have been shot down, there also are very few people on the ground in south-eastern Montana.  For instance, nearby Powder River County covers 3,300 square miles.  Population density is 0.6 people per square mile.  The largest metropolis is Broadus, population 456.  The nearest town to the east of Broadus is Buffalo, in another County, some 90 miles away, population 195.  So this story doesn’t wash.  The Chinese balloon was a spy platform, capable of navigating itself despite the wind direction.  And navigate it did on its journey of espionage.  It flew over Alaska, Idaho,  Montana, South Dakota, Nebraska, Kansas, Missouri, Illinois, Kentucky, Tennessee, North Carolina, and South Carolina.  And for a harmless, out of control weather balloon, it somehow managed to fly over a number of U.S. military installations.  Here’s a partial list: Malstrom AFB, MT (ICBM site); Ellsworth AFB, SD (28th Bomb Wing); Joe Foss Field, SD, Air National Guard (114th Fighter Wing); Offutt AFB, NE (U.S. Strategic Command); Whiteman AFB, MO (B2 bombers); Scott AFB, IL (Air Mobility Command); Fort Campbell, TN (101st Airborne); Pope AFB, NC (Air Mobility Command and Special Forces); Fort Bragg, NC (82d Airborne); Marine Corps Air Station, New River, NC; and Camp Lejeune USMC base, NC.  What a coincidence, huh?  Yet our military said the flyovers posed no threat.  As an aside, when my daughter was married last October at the Thayer Hotel, next to West Point, the photographer was prohibited from using a drone to take wedding pictures, for reasons of security.  He should have said it was a Chinese drone.  Meanwhile, the Chinese continue to claim that the balloon wasn’t a spy platform.  Maybe that’s true, after all.  There could have been another reason for the balloon’s trans-continental trip.  I’ve got it!  The Communist Chinese are buying up lots of real estate near U.S. military bases, and for some reason we permit them to do so.  So maybe the balloon was sent by the Beijing Office of Century 21 Real Estate to look for For Sale signs.  Was the Chinese government spokeswoman wearing a green jacket?  That could be it.  Then again, the balloon navigated itself to South Carolina the day after Biden arranged to make South Carolina the site of the first primary election for the 2024 presidential race.  Maybe the Chinese went there to deliver some early voting ballots for their employee Sleepy Joe.  Then Biden shot the balloon down over water to destroy the evidence.  Another possibility that must be considered is that it is tax season.  The balloon actually may have been blown off course on its way to deliver Hunter Biden’s 1099 Form for services rendered and assorted artworks.  That’s plausible.  Our government continues to try to minimize the danger posed by the Chinese balloon.  They have claimed the balloon was prevented from collecting and transmitting its data back to China.  They didn’t explain how, and that’s not credible because if they could jam the collection and transmission capabilities of the platform there would have been no need to shoot it down.  No, it’s more likely that the Chinese Communists sent the balloon over here secure in the knowledge that their North American representative, Joe Biden, would permit it to complete its espionage job before taking it down.  That’s exactly what he did, after permitting them to extract information from our most secure military facilities from Alaska to South Carolina.  Maybe that’s why Biden failed to mention the balloon at all during the Tuesday night lying contest, uh, I mean State of the Union speech.  Wait, this just in, the Biden Administration has released a new photo of the invading balloon.

Just as CNN suspected.  More Russian interference.  Damn Putin.  No, wait, now this just in.  The Biden Administration just released a specially enhanced high definition image of the balloon taken by the Hubble Telescope.  Finally we get to the truth.That settles it.  It was all Trump’s fault.  We should have known.