Sports used to be a refuge from everyday life.  We could turn away from politics, crime, and other annoying current events, and just watch the game.  How did my team do?  I’m a Mets fan, so how do you think?  Sports was our escape.  Not anymore.  With the Wuhan virus, sports became intertwined with the health emergency.  All sports shut down.  The questioning began.  Will they play?  How will they play?  Where will they play?  Can we attend?  That was bad enough.  When the Marxist revolution began, sports went under the Marxist microscope, to be evaluated for doctrinal purity.  That’s what this is.  The revolutionaries are engaged in their own form of ethnic cleansing.  All who are found to be impure, must be destroyed.  Sports teams are no exception.  And so it came to pass, with millions unemployed, and mayhem in the streets, that the attention of America was drawn to a glaring injustice, the name “Washington Redskins.”  Although polls found that Native Americans aren’t upset by the name, our Marxist masters decided it was racist, and demanded it be changed.  The Redskins buckled, and are changing the name.  No more Redskins.  How about RedStars?  This could be the logo

    That’s a Mig-29, a model of Marxist workmanship, so it should get the Stalin Seal of Approval.  It won’t end there.  Give a Marxist an inch, he’ll take a mile.  What about other teams with Indian names?  The Cleveland Indians, Atlanta Braves, Chicago Blackhawks, and Kansas City Chiefs.  Clearly equally offensive, and unacceptable.  So, the Cleveland Natives.  Animal names seem benign, so how about the Kansas City Sheep?  If Braves is offensive,  how about the Atlanta Cowards?  Blackhawks can survive, if they change the Indian logo to an actual black hawk.  Animals good.  How about the Dallas Cowboys?  In every movie, the cowboys killed the Indians.  And boys?  Sexist.  The Dallas Ranch Workers.  The Portland Trailblazers must go for the same reason.  On the Oregon Trail, white settlers displaced Indians.  Given recent events, how about the Portland Anarchists?   Unfortunately, many team names are culturally impure, and must be changed.  Some of the names are OK, because they’re animals, like Bears, Grizzlies, Wolves, Lions, Tigers, Panthers, etc.  They’re approved because only rich white people can afford to go camping and on safaris, and these animals sometimes kill them.  Killing white guys is good.  The Colorado Avalanche is acceptable for the same reason.  Avalanches kill white skiers.  Some other names will pass Marxist muster because they advance progressive positions.  The Miami Heat and the Phoenix Suns remind us of global warming.  This instills fear, which is a good thing.  How about the paranormal?  Orlando Magic.  I’ve judged the Magic acceptable, because it describes post-virus federal budget policy.  “Isn’t printing $6 trillion dollars dangerous?”  “No, it’s magic.”  Other names must go.  Let’s start with the teams of color.  Red Sox, White Sox,  Reds,  and Browns.  Chicago White Sox is out.  Just “White” alone is bad enough.  Maybe just “Sox,” or Rainbow Sox, for the LGBTQers.  Red Sox is not so bad on its face, and Marxists are Reds, so we’ll permit it on a probationary basis.  Now, the Cincinnati Reds originally were the Redlegs.  This is problematic, because legs are covered by skin, ergo – Redskin, which we already know is racist.  How about a more progressive shade of red?  The Cincinnati Pinkos.  Perfect.  The Cleveland Browns aren’t named for a color, but for their founder, Paul Brown.  However, this is the truth, and truth is irrelevant.  Only feelings matter to woke snowflakes.  They don’t approve of Founders, and if they “feel” it could demean a person of color, it must go.  Again, we might change the shade, to the Cleveland Sepias.  Much better.  Historical team names are particularly troublesome.  The New England Patriots.  No.  Minutemen were military, and the Patriots worked with the slave-owning Founders, when they should have burned down Constitution Hall, Philadelphia, and all of the South.  Let’s go with a safe animal name, the New England Lobsters.   The Philadelphia 76ers is unacceptable for the same reason.  It evokes our history.  So, the Philadelphia 17ers, to celebrate the 1917 Bolshevik revolution.  The New York Jets, Pittsburgh Steelers and Edmonton Oilers must go as anti-environmental.  Jets have a large CO2 footprint.  Steel making causes pollution, and oil is an evil fossil fuel.  So, the New York Electric Buses, the Pittsburgh Recyclers, and the Edmonton Renewables.  The Detroit Pistons and RedWings fail for the same reason.  How about the Detroit Teslas and Detroit Mass Transit?  Teams named for aggressive white folks also must go.  Minnesota Vikings.  Blonde invaders?  Out.  Pittsburgh Pirates, and Las Vegas Raiders.  Same problem.  The Raiders even have a white guy with an eye patch on their helmet.  Totally unacceptable.  How about, the Minnesota Appeasers, the Pittsburgh Pacifists, and the Las Vegas Antifas.  This way, they can keep the “white guy with a face covering” logo.

The Houston Rockets and Astros are rejected because they remind us of the U.S. Space Program, which celebrates American achievement.  That cannot stand.  The Houston Cosmonauts, can play in the renamed Cosmodome.  And for basketball, the Houston Starbucks.  “Tuesday is latte night.”  This might sound too close to the Milwaukee Bucks, but “Bucks” has to go.  They may have a large deer in their logo, but once again, truth doesn’t count.  “Buck” could be taken as a derisive name for an African-American man.  I think they used it in Gone With the Wind, so case closed.  The Milwaukee Fauns.  We’re not done.  Texas Rangers are cops, so definitely out.  The Texas Defunders.  Houston Texans, suggests State citizenship, which threatens federal supremacy.  So, Houston Texicans.  Two birds, one stone.  San Diego Padres and Los Angeles Angels pander to religion, which is anti-Marxist.  The San Diego Pederasts and the Los Angeles Atheists will do nicely.  The Philadelphia Phillies is tricky.  Phillies could just be short for “Philadelphia,” but it could be from the cigars.  In 1910, the Bayuk brothers introduced Philadelphia Hand Made Cigars.  This was shortened to “Phillies.”  Tobacco’s bad for your health, and smoke damages the climate, unless it’s rising from a burning building during riot (protest).  So the Philadelphia Protesters.  Yankees seems acceptable on its face.  The Yankees fought the Confederates.  But it’s anti-Hispanic.  “Yankee (Yanqui) go home!”  So the New York Diversities it is.  We’ll have to change some names of championship trophies too.  Stanley Cup to Stalin Cup.   Lombardi Trophy to Sacco and Vanzetti Trophy.  There’s more, but time is short.  Now, if we can just get them to stop keeping score.