We have cute nicknames for our currency. The $1 bill is a single. The $5 bill is a fin. The $10 bill is known as a sawbuck. The Secretary of the Treasury announced this week that a new $10 bill will be issued featuring a woman. Senator Jeanne Shaheen says she’s pleased that “young girls all across this country will soon be able to see an inspiring woman on the $10 bill.” Forgive me, but that seems unlikely. Since we don’t teach history anymore, unless the woman is Beyonce, Lady Gaga or one of the Kardashians, young girls probably won’t even recognize her.
We do have some experience with women on our money. We had the Susan B. Anthony dollar.  Martha Washington has been on a $1 bill, Pocahontas once appeared on the back of a $20 bill, and Sacagawea has been on a dollar coin for 15 years. But we need to narrow it down … okay, how about we just say no more First Ladies or Native Americans. That would solve a lot of problems. I’m just not ready for the Obama buck. Those arms wouldn’t fit on the bill anyway, and we should save paper.       A Hillary Clinton buck? No. It would be printed overseas and then just wire transferred into her Foundation account, so that wouldn’t inspire anybody.
What to do? Let’s think – the sawbuck.  A saw is a tool.  So how about Carrie Nation with her hatchet – the chop buck. We could have Julia Child – the cook buck. How about Sandra Day O’Connor – the law buck.         Need I go on? Amelia Earhart (fly buck) Annie Oakley (shot buck)
Juliette Gordon Low (Scout buck) Betsy Ross (flag buck). Wait now, let’s think out of the box.  How about Bruce, uh Caitlyn Jenner on a $3 bill? Better not go there.  I know, how about we go Hollywood.  I’d like to see Marilyn Monroe on a $10 bill.  Not classy enough? How about Grace Kelly? She was a Monegasque you say? No problem.  There’s a precedent.            In 1893, Queen Isabella was the first woman to appear on a U.S. coin.
Whoever the government ultimately chooses, the one thing we can rely on is that it will have something to do with race or slavery, to remind us that America is a terrible country.  Inspiration right? If they choose Rosa Parks, I just pray they don’t put her on the back of the bill.
Okay, all joking aside.  I do have a serious proposal that actually might be inspirational.  My proposal for the new $10 bill is Marian Anderson on the front with the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the bill.  We could call it the Freedom Buck.  Marian Anderson was a better singer than Beyonce, and who knows, somebody actually might be inspired to read a book.